Career vs Motherhood

As Griffin takes a nap beside me, I had a chance to go through my work emails to catch up. Yes, I still do receive work emails. Mostly forwards etc. But I must admit that I love to get them. It makes me feel in the loop, and not completely cut out from the working world.

While being a mother is a huge job in itself, I have really, really struggled with this. I have struggled with two sides of me: motherhood, and career woman. The career or job side of me seems like a piece of cake compared to this. I have always done well in my job, like my job, and am confident in my job. Motherhood did not seem to come as easily to me as I thought it would. Jonas would strongly protest that, but it is a feeling that I have had since Griffin was born. Daily, I wonder if I was cut out to be a mother. I love Griffin more than anything in the world, and would never change a thing. But yet, this is something I struggle with everyday- wondering if I am doing a good enough job.

I have had a job since I was fourteen years old. Yes, in Alberta, you are allowed to work when you are fourteen. I have always worked, and having a job and making money has always been a part of my identity. The transition from working girl to motherhood has overwhelmed me, and I am trying to become familiar with this whole other side of me. When I see other mothers on the street with their babies, I often wonder if they are going through the same thing, or feeling the same thing as me.

I know that this time is fleeting, and I will be the person that I used to be. A year goes by quickly, and many mothers returning to work often wish they didn't have to. But I am not the same person. I have a beautiful baby boy who depends on me, and loves me unconditionally. When I do return to work, I will be the same person and more. Motherhood is still the most important job in the world, and I now have that.